The Seedling

I am a little seed. I am trying to survive. I am not very good at living. I am selfish. I am critical of others. I think I am better than people. I think some people are better than me. I try to be happy and comfortable, but ultimately I am not.

 Jesus picks me up. He says, “Here, little seed. I am going to plant you in the ground. You have to die before you can live. It will hurt, but soon you will be bearing more seeds, and you will be useful to me. I love you and want the best for you.” He smiles as He plants me in the ground and covers me up with dirt.

I die. It is painful and sad. But soon, I live again! I am raised to new life. I am a tiny little plant with two tiny leaves. Some people come and water me and I grow a little. I get some Sunshine and I grow a little more. But then some people come and step on me. They say, “You have to die. Jesus said so.” It hurts.

Jesus is so compassionate. He comes to help me heal. He doesn’t break me because I am bruised. He picks me up and mends me and tells me to keep being a plant and keep growing. I get some more water and some more Sunshine. But then someone else comes and breaks me. They say, “You have to die. Jesus said so.” It hurts.

But I didn’t realize I was a plant. People kept telling me I was still a seed and that I needed to die. And so I kept trying to grow and then die, to grow and then die. I was watered, and then dried out. I was put in the sun, and then I just put myself back under the ground so I could die.

Every two weeks or so someone would come and step on me. I would wait for them to water me and give me sunshine, but they never did. They only gave me a tiny drop of water here and there, but they always kept me in the shade. Or they tried to bury me under the dirt.

Eventually I realized I wasn’t growing or bearing fruit. I decided to not let anyone step on me any more. I decided to water myself every day and give myself Sunshine every day. I grew stronger, I started blooming until I was a beautiful flower.

People told me they didn’t like it. They said I was being selfish. They said I needed to continue to sacrifice myself and bury myself and die like Jesus did. But I stopped listening to them. I became a beautiful flower and bore a little bit of fruit. The people who kept stepping on me tried to steal my fruit. They didn’t have any of their own fruit, so they tried to take mine.

I am going to continue to be a plant. I am going to continue to stay away from people who want to trample me and tell me I need to die. I am going to give myself nourishment and water and Sunshine. I am going to grow and bear fruit, and Jesus is going to take care of me. “You are useful to me,” He says. “I created you to be a beautiful flower, 🌻 I know you inside and out, and I love you.”

How it feels

Imagine I have fallen off the ship and am flailing in the ocean. I call out for help, and when someone comes, they ask me what happened.

I said, “My husband pushed me off the boat!” 

So they turn to my husband and say, “What happened?” 

He says, “She pushed me into the water!” 

They turn back to me and say, “Is that true?” 

I say, “Help! It’s getting really hard for me to stay afloat! I’m afraid I’m going to drown!” 

They say, “Did you push your husband into the water though?”

And I say, “Well, yes, there was that time I pushed him into the baby pool. I guess I deserve to be struggling to stay afloat,” while he sits there in the baby pool.

Meanwhile, I swim over to the other side of the boat and call for help. They throw me a life preserver which provides some relief. I ask them to help me get out of the water, but I tell them I don’t want to be rescued to my husband, because he might just push me back in. A month later I call for help again, and they say, “Oh, I thought you said you didn’t need to be rescued.” 

So then I swim to another side of the boat and call for help. They say they have a how-to-swim class that I need to pay for, so I pull out my soggy money that I was going to use to get home, and pay for the how-to-swim class. So I start swimming and getting stronger. So I swim to another side of the boat and ask for help to pull me out, and they say, “Oh, I see you have a life preserver. You should be good!” 

I say I need a ladder, and they say, “Sorry, we don’t have any ladders here, but you could use your phone and order one online!” So I pull out my soggy phone and try to order a ladder. Turns out, they don’t deliver to ships in the middle of the ocean. But my husband is still there, and has been watching me the whole time, making sure everyone knows I pushed him into the water too.

I am starting to get very tired and it’s hard for me to stay afloat, even with the life preserver, because I have to hold on for dear life. I am almost ready to give up. Others are saying to me, “You know, you could just climb out.” It’s then that I start sinking.