Something different for today:
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I’ve been going down an internet rabbit hole lately. Also have been educating myself thoroughly on certain subjects. A lot of my research has been about church hurt and spiritual abuse, purity culture leading to domestic abuse, large churches which leave a lot of destruction in their wake, celebrity pastors whose fame hurts people and is tolerated because of their “correct doctrine” and being one of the “in crowd.”
What is missing in these spaces is the heart of God and the redemption of Jesus, His example to us here on this earth. I read an article today about how empathy is a sin and feminism leads to rot, and the example set forth was how Moses had the Israelites kill those who committed idolatry and never had pity on them. But I don’t see Jesus doing that. I was weeping on my morning drive listening to the aftermath on the Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast. I used to not have any empathy for those in situations like that, but now that I do, certain people would say I am sinning.
God is leading me in a different direction. I’ve been in a cocoon for a while after fattening myself on knowledge like a very hungry caterpillar 🐛. I might be breaking out of it now. Not sure yet. It’s a really hard process, and I don’t know what it’s going to look like. But God is leading me towards smaller, organic, less authoritarian and domineering spaces. He is using my gift, even though I don’t know what it is. I’m just going to obey what He tells me to do.
And there is no shame. There is no shame in educating yourself, or being in the place you are, or figuring out your sins or hang ups, or exploring your feelings and what they mean, or leaving toxic spaces. What may be toxic for me, may not be toxic for you. Jesus came to set us free from our sins, Jew and Greek, Slave and Free, Male and Female. We are all one in Christ Jesus. There is no shame in using your gift, if God calls you to pastor, pastor with all your heart and with all humility. But don’t set yourself up to rule and domineer and claim authority over God’s people. Jesus is our head, and the Holy Spirit leads His body, praise the Lord!
Recently at a meeting, I heard a word from the Lord that when Jesus compares the kingdom to a tiny seed that grows into a large tree, the birds come and nest in its branches. Those birds, the ones that snatched up the seed from the ground in another parable, are wicked people who try to infiltrate God’s church when it gets so large - wolves. Same with the leaven in the dough. The leaven is usually hypocrisy or evil that spreads and contaminates the body when it gets large. God’s showing me, when we try to dominate, things go bad, when we try to take over the world and culture by growing huge, people get hurt. Keep it small and let Him lead. He will move, but not in the way you expect.
